


Lone

by DARWIN51



Series: Limits [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, First of a series, Gay, Holtzbert - Freeform, LGBT, Lesbian, early holtzbert, mentions of homophobic attack, poetic i guess?, theres like one line of dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 18:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16581989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DARWIN51/pseuds/DARWIN51
Summary: ""It Happens" is the truest bullshit statement there ever was." // Holtzmann is recovering from an anti-gay physical attack. Erin refuses to let hate win and acts on her feelings. Formerly titled "To The Limit"





	Lone

**Author's Note:**

> Don't judge me on the song choice. My Dad hates the Eagles, so I thought it would be funny to do a whole story based on one of their songs. not that he'll ever know.

_How anyone could have the mind to do this_ was beyond them. Truly, the kind of _wrong_ so fixed in one’s beliefs to bring them to act against another person was unfathomable.

 _There’s no justification_ , they’d heard over and over, as if it would make them any more able to understand why the hurting continued.

 _It happens_ , is the truest bullshit statement there ever was. Yeah, it happens. Abby, Patty, and Erin knew that. As women, they knew to beware of violence on a level that men don’t experience. Just like Abby, Erin, and Holtz all knew that Patty will face hardships they never worry about. Racism and sexism are everyday inconveniences as well as deeply-embedded disadvantages.

But this is not the kind of thing Abby, Patty, or Erin ever thought would affect them. Senseless, targeted homophobic violence, altering their friend’s life forever for no crime other than who she loves.

It is something Holtz has worried about. Plenty. Clearly, worrying isn’t always enough.

Her pale hand rests across her eyes, keeping out the daylight that spills over the couch in the old fire station where she sleeps. As if sleep hasn’t been hard enough the past few nights. Soft, mellow music drifts from Holtz’s stereo on the other side of the room. She insists on having it on while she rests, fearing the silence can take her mind to dark places.

Erin takes in this sight upon entering the room, and quietly walks past the couch to close the shades. It doesn’t block out all the brightness, and slots of light still flood between the cracks, highlighting the dust in the air and reminding Erin how overdue a vacuuming was.

The hand slips away from her face, coming to rest on her chest.

“You’re awake.” Erin says softly.

Holtz tries to return a weak smile, but the signals never make it to her mouth. It’s not worth the effort to feign being okay in front of Erin. Like Erin doesn’t know.

She kneels down slowly next to the couch while Holtz’s eyes follow her.

Erin rests into position leaning against the couch near Holtz’s waist, looking down into her eyes. The opening strings of an old 70s classic, The Eagles’ _Take it to the Limit_ reached her ears, bringing her mind back to her childhood, sitting in the bubble bath at just a few years old while her father spiked her hair up with soap, laughing while the melody played in the background.

Holtz lets her arm fall to the side, palm up. A small, shy question. For the past few days, the girls had wanted nothing more than to take care of their youngest Ghostbuster in every way they could, but she’d mostly been shying away, distant and lost. For her to _ask_ Erin for a hand to hold like this was undoubtedly a big step toward recovery.

Without hesitation, Erin slips her hand into Holtz’s. This time, Holtz does give a small smile. She folds her arm back over so her and Erin’s hands are clasped together, resting on her stomach.

Erin could say something. She could say ‘how are you feeling?’ or ‘what can I get you?’ or ‘we love you so much’, but all those things have been said, all those phrases beaten to death these past few days. Everything’s been said, so she says nothing.

They look at each other for a few extended seconds longer, communicating nothing in particular, the message left to the other’s imagination.

She rolls over toward the edge of the couch to get up, without letting go of Erin’s hand. Erin steadies her waist with the other hand and gently lifts the younger woman to her feet.

Holtzmann adjusts to the position, then settles herself into Erin’s arms for a moment, keeping the weight off her right leg, with Erin’s strong arm around her middle supporting her.

Holtz lets out a soft gasp of mild discomfort before Erin soothes it by rocking her slowly, swaying to the music.

She’s gotten used to the moderate humiliation of needing someone’s help every time she had to use the bathroom, and it’s a better alternative than the catheter bag the nurse briefly proposed. The wheelchair sits nearby, but Holtz’s strength isn’t up enough yet to lift herself into it from the couch. Her smashed knee rendered her unable to walk for a while, and the broken ribs and bruised forearm and stomach made the crutches more than uncomfortable.

The youngest ghostgirl, who recently appeared on the front cover of the New York Times, leaping over an upturned diner table to blast a Class III with a proton shotgun, is now unable to lift herself from the couch to the wheelchair.

But she will heal. They all know that. It’s the rhetoric and the publicity that make it worse. The first night after the attack, while Holtz was still in the hospital, the Ghostbusters’ HQ window was cracked. Someone had attempted to throw a brick at it and failed. Which was funny at first, since it’s not the first brick they’ve had thrown at them. Usually something about ‘wemen suck’ or whatever. It was funny that someone hadn’t even managed to break the glass, until they found this recent brick on the sidewalk. This one said ‘she deserved it’.

Magazines and tabloids running articles speculating about what happened, whether she knew the attackers, things she’s done in the past to deserve it, even suggesting it was a publicity stunt.

All bullshit. It was a hate crime, clear and simple. A violent homophobic attack, targeted at her simply for being a ‘gay icon’ in the community, even though she’s never confirmed nor denied her sexuality publicly. This was two strangers who followed her, planned their attack, carried it out alone in a parking lot, and left her for dead. That should be more than enough to garner sympathy, and earn the Ghostbusters a little break from the daily bullshit people criticized them about. But it didn’t. It only served to make things worse.

Holtzmann could have told you that. Patty could have told you that. Abby and Erin also could have told you that anything that seems like it should draw sympathy would somehow stir up criticism instead. Even though the girls had never said whether or not the attack involved sexual assault, the media’s reaction was the product of rape culture.

Erin holds Holtz slightly tighter against her chest, continuing to sway softly as the chords drifts into the chorus.

_But the dreams I’ve seen lately, keep on turning out_

_And burning out, and turning out the same_

Erin tilts her chin down to look at the woman in her arms. Holtz’s head rests on Erin’s shoulder, looking back at her.

One thumb moves very smoothly to stroke the blonde’s cheek, and gently pulls her amber glasses away from her face. The rim had been trapping a tear, and it falls down the cheek where Erin had just stroked.

The chorus swells and passes, and for a moment, their eyes locked, Erin feels like something else is going to happen.

But the moment passes with the music.

She continues to rock the blonde gently as they travel through the second verse. Holtz picks her head up from Erin’s shoulder and replaces it with her hand.

They are face to face now.

_When there’s nothing to believe in, you’re still coming back,_

_You’re running back, you’re coming back for more_

Holtzmann’s eyes show nothing but resigned confusion. The world twists and turns in so many ways that it seems impossible for her to do something that will please everyone, and she always seems to do the wrong thing, so she’s given up trying and lives with the confusion.

She’s not fully in the moment.

Erin is in the moment, and nowhere else. She’s _here_ and _now_ , two places Holtz usually is more than anyone. Erin’s trying her hardest to bring her friend back, but she continues to slip away.

_So put me on a highway, show me a sign_

Finally, a small glint in Holtz’s eyes. A little flicker of recognition, and she _sees_ Erin. Erin’s intentions. Holtz has suspected for a while that Erin isn’t straight, and Abby has certainly only fueled this by hinting at things she doesn’t even know for sure.

Like all this homophobic violence and danger has made Erin _want_ to come out now.

But wouldn’t Erin going further into the closet mean the attackers have won? Hate wins and love retreats into the shadows in fear?

No. Erin can’t let that happen. The shades were drawn, Abby and Patty were downstairs, and nobody was going to bother them. Why can’t she just…

Erin gently brings her hand back to Holtz’s face, her palm around her chin. Holtz looks back up at her with bright blue eyes, clear –for the moment—of the weight of the world they carried just a few seconds ago.

Erin has to ensure there’s no ambiguity in her intentions. She barely brushes her thumb over Holtz’s bottom lip, and the thought of taking that lip between hers causes an involuntary shift somewhere in her stomach. She’s waiting for Holtz to pull away (as much as she can with her bruised body) and tell Erin ‘you’re straight’ and be offended that Erin would try to take advantage of the moment just to make Holtz falsely feel better.

But Holtz doesn’t do this. If Erin was totally straight, Holtz would have sniffed it out by now. She knows more than Erin thinks.

In the moment. _Here_ and _now._

Erin softly mouths out, ‘can I?’ without saying a word.

Holtz’s eyes drop to Erin’s lips, and she gives a tiny single nod.

_And take it to the limit, one more time_

Erin doesn’t exactly lean in, more like she’s been pulling back before, and now she moves her head to where it should be, it’s natural position, which just happens to put her lips right against Holtz’s.

They hold like that for a few seconds, not kissing exactly, but lips touching. Holtz doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t lean in either.

It takes a moment for Erin to realize this probably isn’t because Holtz doesn’t like her, but because all the events of the past week have made her scared of showing affection towards another woman like this. Erin feels selfish for a moment for thinking it was about her.

She leans in more, and it becomes a kiss for real.

It feels so good, that after all these months of trying to either confront or avoid her growing feelings toward Holtzmann, she’s finally acted on it and confirmed that it does feel _so right._

She feels guilty that it’s taken something so drastic, almost losing Holtzmann, for Erin to finally act on this.

But there’s no going back now, no saying this is just a thing friends do, and that also feels good. Because Holtz’s lips are so soft, and she’s definitely kissing back right now.

In Erin’s experience, first kisses are awkward, sometimes confusing, and not always mutually consented to. But she’s known Holtz very closely for a while, and that familiarity is reflected in the kiss. Plus, no scratchy stubble or dry chapped man-lips. Which changes and improves every aspect of the experience.

They kiss for almost the rest of the song, never involving tongue but certainly not remaining static either, until Holtz struggles to hold herself up with her bad knee, and she starts to slip in Erin’s arms. Erin holds her tighter to keep her up, and they mutually pull away, both looking down and breathing slightly heavier than normal, foreheads together.

Holtz looks up first, and Erin senses it and raises her eyes to meet her.

Holtz intentionally lets herself slip away a little more, eyes shameful, _I know this is a one-time thing. Don’t worry, I’m leaving._

Erin tightens her hold again, pulling Holtz closer, eyes widening and promising, _No, this is a beginning._

This doesn’t comfort Holtzmann as much as Erin hopes. Too much of her has been beaten down for it to be fixed with a small kiss.

But it’s definitely a turnaround.

Erin accepts that the young engineer is hurt deeper than she alone can fix, at least not yet. So she helps lower Holtz into the wheelchair and accepts that this will take time, and patience, and love.

But she hopes, she feels, that this is a turnaround.

 

 ~//~

**Author's Note:**

> This will be part of a series.


End file.
